Parents play an important role in the development of their children, so it’s crucial that they use the parenting style to raise their kids in a loving environment. But this is easier said than done, as it can be challenging for parents to balance being strict or being lenient to their children. How can parents be disciplinarians to their kids while also giving them freedom?
In an episode of Teach With Joy: Parenting Edition on Plus Network, author, wife, and homeschooling mom Joy Mendoza talked to Gian and Joy Sotto about their parenting style and experiences as parents. Before talking to Gian, who is the Vice Mayor of Quezon City, and Joy, who is a homeschooler to their children and a digital content creator, Mendoza first identified the four different parenting styles:
- Authoritarian – All about rules without exception
- Permissive – Parents are lenient and take on more of a friend role than a parent role
- Passive – Little to no involvement at all
- Authoritative – Boundaries are set. There is good communication
When asked to describe their parenting style, Joy says that while they take discipline seriously, they employ more of an authoritative style because they take the feelings of their children into consideration. While they want their kids to recognize authority, they also respect what they feel. One of the biggest lessons that Gian learned from his own upbringing is to discipline their children but to also have a strong relationship with them.
As for Joy, her experience attending parenting seminars opened her eyes and made her realize that there’s a certain way of parenting that she wants for her children. During their experience as parents, they also had to unlearn some things and recognized the importance of balancing love, discipline, and constant communication with their children. When it comes to enforcing good behavior, Gian says that modeling is important because what is caught is taught and no matter what they say, it is their actions that their children will emulate.
Joy also emphasizes the importance of starting their children early and instilling the right values in them early on. This includes teaching them what’s right and wrong, saying sorry, obedience, and the importance of forgiveness. Their parenting style can also be described as redemptive, focusing not just on discipline but also explaining and communicating to them. And since they have six children, another challenge that they face having to use different discipline methods.
When it comes to the success of their parenting style, Gian and Joy give credit to God’s grace, saying that it works because they teach their kids about the Word of God. Gian also emphasizes the importance of parents always being on the same page, that it should be a tag team and a partnership and that parents shouldn’t compete against each other.
When it comes to disciplining children, they shouldn’t do it out of anger so that you can avoid saying words that you don’t mean. They that it’s important that they don’t embarrass their children in front of other people or in public. Joy adds that they help their children process what they did and tell them that they’re mad at what they did, but not at them.
To sum it up, Joy says that their parenting style is biblical. They teach their children that they should love God and from there, they would know what’s right and wrong and not do things that will displease God. And since children emulate what they see from their parents, it’s important for them to see their parents have a relationship with God. The main goal for parents is to mold the child’s heart and let the child’s heart love God. While parenting can be a challenge, it will be easier once children have a relationship with God.
Their parenting style, according to Mendoza, can be described as being heart parenting, where parents connect children to the heart of God and let them see their own hearts, which will go a long way in shaping the future of their children. For more parenting tips, you can watch episodes of Teach with Joy or visit Plus Network on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube.